Helpful Advice - when talking to a mom of a child with eating issues

If you know me, or have read my blog...you know that my 3 year old son, Paxton has been diagnosed with severe "feeding" issues.  With this said, he does not eat solid food.  His diet consists of stage 2 and stage 3 baby food, yogurt, and milk mixed with carnation instant breakfast.  We do make him eat (in accordance with our plan from feeding therapy) 10 cheerios a day--which is often a battle. 

Over the past few months, I've become, angry, hurt, and most of all frustrated by comments from friends and family.  I thought about just venting on my blog, but decided that ....I want to try to turn this into something positive and help others instead.  So, I thought I'd make this into a --how you can help... and a -What not to say post. 

First...how you can help:

• Be a friend.  Be supportive and allow the family to vent to you without offering advice (especially if you know nothing about the problem) unless asked. 
• Ask how you can help.  Maybe it's helpful to provide a distraction for the child during a feeding.  Maybe you could help by playing a quit game or doing a puzzle with the child.

What is not helpful--and often hurtful:

• Do not say "give me 24 hours with him and I'll have him eating".  This is not only not helpful, it is offensive.  Do you not think that as parents, we have done everything possible to help our child?  Do you not think our team of Dr's, Psycologists, nutritionists, and therapists are more experienced and knowledgeable in this area? 
• Do not say "he doesn't have a problem--it's all behavioral".  I do not believe for one second that a child chooses to puke up his food and gag on certain foods-consistently.  It is no more fun for him than it is for us.  While there are behavioral issues surrounding the problem, the underlying issue is not behavior. 
• Do not suggest we "force feed" him or make him sit in a high chair until he eats.  Force feeding results in gagging and puking.  I do not see how this would be helpful in getting a child to want to eat food.  Our Doctors have said numerous times that making him sit in a chair until he's hungry enough to eat is not helpful.  Children with this issue will not eat.  They do not care about starving.  And...as a parent, this would be horrible to watch. 

Please just take a moment to put yourself in their shoes.  You would want your child to be treated with respect and with love.  I'm sure all parents in this situation are trying their best.  I know we have had consultations and some of the best hospitals including Johns Hopkins, Kennedy Krieger Instittue, and Mt. Washington Pediatric Hospital.  We have also paid for (out of pocket--insurance was not accepted) outside therapy with a Occupational Therapist who specializes in feeding therapy.  This is not easy.  It is not fun.  Mean comments (though not meant to be offensive) are hurtful.  Before you speak, think about what you are saying and how your words might impact the family who is already struggling to deal with this issue.  Lastly, be supportive.  Ask how you can help and follow through.