So what Wednesday...

Today, I'm saying so what to ....
1. So what if I wore jeans to work today. There are only a handful of people in the building.
2. So what if I keep checking my favorite blogs; hoping for a new update to read. Clearly, I'm not busy today.
3. So what if I am totally addicted to Blitz on my new iphone 4s.
4. So what if I'm still trying to figure out how to use my iphone 4s---we all know I suck with technology.
5. So what if I can't seem to get my house clean enough to take pictures to put it on the market. Seriously....how do people do it with toddlers???? Ugh.... Anyone want a house in Southern MD????

RACK

I stumbled upon a blog yesterday about giving back and I'm so inspired by this idea. I am always looking for ways to teach my children about the importance of giving back and this is an idea where they can get involved. It's called RACK: Random Acts of Christmas Kindness. The link is http://tsjphotography.com/blog/random-acts-of-christmas-kindness-summary/ but basically, you do something small everyday to brighten someone elses day. Some examples could be putting money in someones meter, leaving coins taped to a vending machine or crain machine for kids, bringing coffee and donuts to teachers or firemen, paying for someones meal in line behind you at a fast food restaurant, donating toys to toys or tots or a local hospital, donating coats, hats, and gloves to a homeless shelter....the possibilites are endless. I'm so excited to start this next December. Although we do the "Santa" thing, I want to make sure I teach my kids it is not all about Santa. I hope you are as inspired by this as I am.

So what....

Today I am too tired to think....so...
-So what if it is Thursday and I am a day late.
-So what if I still haven't figured this blogging thing out and still can't upload pictures properly. UGH....they still seem to always go to the bottom of the page!
-So what if I have already stuffed everyone's stocking. Mia hasn't noticed and I don't have them hanging above the fireplace anymore since we put the tree upstairs this year.
-So what if my daughter is 3 and refuses to poop on the potty. I'm up for any suggestions.
-So what if my son has the communication skills of a 6-9 month old. At least his heart is fixed and he is happy, healthy, and loved.
-So what if I totally look ridiculous at work today in my leggings (yes, I know I'm too old and not skinny enough to pull them off) and sweater. At least it covers my butt and my boots are cute. Maybe people will just focus on my shoes.
-So what if my nearly new purse from the limited is already breaking. I have kids...therefore I have a lot of crap to carry. I think I need to break down and invest in a nice bag. I'm up for suggestions.

mixed emotions

If you know me, I am usually a happy person. In fact, my husband says I live in "Karen World" where everything is sunshine and rainbows. I tend to always focus on the possitive and try to see the good in people (except my father in law--that one is tough). Today though, that has been a challenge.
Today we had Paxton's evaluation with the Infant and Toddlers Program. There is nothing good about hearing that your son's communication level is that of a 6-9 month old and he has a 25% delay. I knew it going in. I should not have been surprised. I almost expected it, but hearing someone else say it and judge my child hurt. So he doesn't talk....or eat solids. I still think he's pretty great. He's adorable and sweet and lovable. He gives awesome hugs and has the most contagious smile. It seriously was upsetting.
After dwelling on it most of the day, I came to realize that I shouldn't take this as a blow to my ego. It isn't about me. It's about Paxton. I shouldn't ask...why me? why my kids? Instead, I should be grateful. I have a happy healthy son. Sure, he has some issues, but I should be thankful that God gave him parents who care enough to help him. Parents who will love him unconditionally. So...with that said...I guess I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself and just be happy. I have a son who is with me. He is amazing and wonderful.

Family photos

We had some family pictures taken a couple of weeks ago. Of course, my kids were both uncooperative. They didn't listen. They ran in opposite directions and would not pose for a picture together despite our best efforts. Thankfully, our photographer was patient and was able to get a few great shots.

Random thoughts...

-Today is the 6th day in a row that I've been sick. Seriously cold...go away! I've now lost my voice and I look a hot mess--probably because that is how I feel.
-Listening to my daugther sing Christmas carols is one of my favorite memories so far this year. It is absolutely precious. Her favorites are Rudolph and Feliz Navidad. I'm pretty convinced we should be Mexican. I love Mexican food, she loves Dora, and we both love Feliz Navidad.
-Paxton gave me the biggest hug last night and patted me on the back. Oh my gosh, melt.my.heart! That little man is so incredibly sweet. For every temper tantrum he throws (which are many), he does something so sweet and cute, you almost forget about everything else.
-This week, my Dad finds out if his colon cancer is back. They think the polyp is probably benign, but the Dr is still recommending surgery to remove more of his colon. Why is it that men refuse things that are important? Of course, my Dad is refusing unless the biopsy comes back indicating that the cancer is back. Don't they know how important it is to listen to the Doctor?
-Today is Day 17 that my husband has been doing P90X. I'm so impressed and proud of him for sticking with it. If I haven't mentioned it lately, he is amazing.
-This week sucks at work. I have a major report due on telework. This is a report that will ultimately go to Congress so --extremely important. It's due today. Am I ready/prepared?? No. Guess I should get back to work now.

Today I am thankful...

that we finally got an appointment for Paxton with the Calvert County Infants and Toddlers Program. Woo hoo!!! Now, he can finally be evaluated and they can teach us how to help him with his eating issues and hopefully...he'll even start talking more! Our home evaluation is Dec. 7th. I am really looking forward to getting started and so thankful that we got an appointment.

Today, I am thankful...

for my healthy children. So many people are going through so much. I was reminded of that this morning as I was typing up my report for my latest Make a Wish kid. This girl is so incrediably sweet and she has such a big heart. I can't imagine the pain that she has been through and the pain that her family has been through. I am just so grateful that I do not have to watch my children suffer and that they are healthy and happy.

Today, I am thankful for...

-Slobbery Paxton kisses!!! He is finally becoming more generous with his hugs and kisses and I am loving every minute of it.
-the opportunity to help with Mia's sunday school class and influence the kids in a positive way (this came about as she would not stay in class alone without throwing a tantrum, but worked out in the long run).
-a loving and easy going husband. I am not the easiest person to live with and he is so laid back, he is able to go with the flow, despite my craziness and OCD tendencies.

Today

I am thankful that I made it to work safely! One of the guys in my carpool drove today and I was terrified. It was rainy and he tailgates. I was so nervous my palms were sweating.
I'm also thankful that Mia did GREAT at school yesterday during nap. Yesterday was the first day that she slept on a cot (she had been in a pack and play). She does not like change so I was surprised to hear that she did so well.

Today I am thankful ....

-that Mia still loves to be rocked before bed. Though I get annoyed with her delaying bedtime antics, I -secretly LOVE holding her and snuggling with her before bed.
-for Paxton's contagious and adorable smile. He is so happy. His smile is like the sun, it brightens your day and fills you with warmth and happiness.
-for Iheart Radio. I get to listen to my favorite morning radio show now at work. It makes my day go by so much faster.

Today I am thankful

-That I can (barely) afford to have a cleaning lady come to our house every 3 weeks. It is so nice to come home to a clean house, even if it does only last for 2 minutes.
-My gorgeous drive into work. Ok, minus going through SE DC, I also get to ride by the Washington Monument, WWII Memorial, and Lincoln Memorial daily. It is really beautiful, especially when it is still dark.

Today, I'm thankful for.....

-The huge hugs from my kids. They give the best hugs ever. I never knew I could love anyone as much as I love them.
-My job. Yes, I'm crazy busy and overwhelmed with open season and telework stuff, but that's job security, right?
-Fountain cokes and chocolate covered donuts. I don't do coffee, but I do love my soda every morning.
-For pinterest. As ridculous as that sounds, I'm using it this week to find photo ideas for our family pictures Saturday. So much easier to find so many ideas in one spot!
-That black Friday ads are out early so I can plan my shopping. I just wish the leappad was onsale this year.

In honor of Thanksgiving....

I seem to always find things to complain about so this month, I am going to post at least 1 thing daily that I am thankful for.
Today, I am thankful that Paxton will eat a banana that is mashed up! This is a huge accomplishment for him and I am so happy.
I am also thankful for having friends over for dinner and hanging out. It was nice to be able to
talk to other adults and have our kids play together last night. I so need to do that more often.
Lastly, today I am thankful for rewards points on my credit card. I just cashed them in for $200, which I can use towards Christmas gifts. Cha-ching. Yay me!

Christmas

I love Christmas. It is my favorite time of year. I love everything about it. I love shopping, I love the decorations, the food, the excitement, the traditions, everything. Every year, I pressure my husband to put the tree up (or bring it down so I can put it up) earlier and earlier. It is such a pain to put it, I feel like I want to enjoy it as long as possible. The kids absolutely love it. We did have to put a gate around it this year as Paxton kept whacking it with Mia's magic wants and baby stroller. Here's a picture of Mia right after we put our tree up.

Paxton's new haircut

I asked for a fo hawk, but we got an older lady this time and she didn't know what that was. Oh well. I can work with this cut and he seems to like it.

I don't wanna nap

I'd rather play with a fork and watch the Young and the Restless with mommy

Cheese

Do-able bucket list

My ultimate bucket list involves a lot of time and money--neither of which we have. It also involves a lot of travel, which is not fun with a 3 year old and 16 month old. So, this is my short-term, do-able bucket list.

1. Get my hair and make-up done by the girls of Jerseylicious (specifically Gigi and Olivia). I'm totally hooked on that show and I love them. I just want to sit, drink wine, and gossip with them.

2. Eat at Bobby Flay's restaurant in Atlantic City. I'm obsessed with Bobby Flay. I don't think he's hot or even really attractive, but I love his personality. He's humble and gracious and really funny. Plus, his food looks amazing.

3. Go up in the Washington Monument. I'm asshamed to say I've lived in MD/VA my entire life and I work within walking distance of the monument and have never been inside.

4. Go up in the Statue of Liberty. Again, been to NYC so many times, yet I never make the time.

5. Host a girls night out soon at the local winery with wine and the new fondue set that Santa had better bring me for Christmas.

work

I never used to want to be a stay at home mom. I like my job. I like interacting with adults and feeling like I'm doing something useful and accomplishing something. I like helping people, but recently, I've been really wishing I could stay home with the kids. I miss them. Mia is in "preschool", but I feel like I could do so much with Paxton. I'm grateful that he is with my mom, but there are so many things I need to work on with him, especially with his food/texture issues. It is so frustrating that I don't have the time to really put into helping him they way that I would like. I get home just in time to make dinner. Sometimes, my mom has already fed him because it's late and he is hungry. I'm jealous of those moms who get to have play dates during the day. I guess on the flip side, maybe they are jealous too? I work so that I can afford to do things with my kids and take them places. I work so that we can afford our house. Hopefully, this tradeoff will pay off someday.

Happy Monday...

Ok, not really. Today my cell phone alarm did not go off so I only had 5 minutes to get dressed, brush my teeth and hair, and run out the door (I'm in a carpool). I get to the van and notice the interior light was on all night. Still hopeful, I turn the key, but no luck. Battery is dead.
So...here's hoping today gets better and....hoping Santa brings me an IPhone for Christmas.

I'm back....

So, it's been a while since I've last posted. I thought writing would help, but I guess I just found it too hard to write most of this month. September is a hard month for me. It's hard to celebrate the birth of my beautiful and amazing little girl; while at the same time, mourning the loss of her twin brother. Sometimes it is more than I can take. I am better now though and back to my old self. The Happy Birthday song still gets me everytime, but I'm not quite the basketcase I was 2 weeks ago.
So, moving on....this Friday, Chris and I will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary! We celebreated last weekend by spending our 1st night together away from the kids. I had forgotten how wonderful uninterrupted sleep can be! I felt so refreshed. I was more patient. It was amazing. While I hate to wish the "baby/toddler" phase away as I know time flies as it is, I am definitely looking forward to getting back to some serious sleeping.

Bittersweet Party

I have no idea how I made it through Mia's birthday party yesterday without bursting into tears. There were definitely hidden tears shed, but I survived. I was so happy to see Mia so excited, but the Happy Birthday song totally breaks my heart. Thankfully, one more week until her birthday and hopefully, I will be back to normal and not an emotional basket case.

The Selfish and the Selfless

Yesterday, I was humbled by the selflessness of one family and realized how truly selfish I am. In most situations, I think..."how does this affect me and my family?" or "what about me?" I think of others, but I always feel sorry for myself. When Paxton was sick, I felt sorry for me. When I lost Parker, I felt sorry for me. Not to say that I shouldn't, but there are so many other people in worse situations! WHat about them?
In case you didn't know, I volunteer as a wish granter for the Make a Wish foundation. Yesterday, I met a family who was truly self-less. I'll call them "The Smiths". They adopted a little girl almost 10 years ago. They adopted her, knowing that she was sick with a rare brain disorder. They were told she wouldn't live to see her first birthday, but now she is almost 10! It's amazing. But....that said, she is a lot of work. She can't walk, she's blind, she can't communicate, and so on. Her family has given up everything. They almost never spend time together as they have to work different shifts in order to properly care for her. They are truly a selfless family and I am amazed by their strength and love. I have a lot to learn.

Paxton

Today is August 30th. It is also the 1 year anniversary of my little man's open heart surgery. I have very mixed emotions today. I am so happy and so grateful that he is here and healthy. However, it brings back such vivid memories of what we went through. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I remember going into Dr. V's office. The first thing he said was, "Don't worry, I will save your son. I will fix him." I was skeptical, but that is what I needed to hear and he made me more confident. The surgery was originally scheduled for September to allow him time to gain weight and I remember begging him to please wait till October. September is a very hard month for us. We have always had bad things happen during that month (car stolen on wedding day, losing Parker, etc.). Dr. V said...."I'll turn it around for you. You'll see. I'll make Sept a good month". Well, as it turns out, the surgery was in August as Paxton was not gaining weight as we hoped, but he did follow through and make good on his promise. He fixed my son's heart and we are forever grateful.

Earthquake

So, by now everyone knows that they was a 5.8 point earthquake in VA yesterday. Working in DC, we definitely felt it. It was scary, though at first, I had no idea what was happening. I ran out of my office and my coworkers and I just kind of looked at each other like, "what's going on". Seconds later, my mom called in a panic. I told her to grab Pax and go to the basement. I have no idea if that is good advise or not, but it sounded good at the time. Immediately after, the alarm sounded at work and we were evacuated. This was around 2:20pm. By 2:30pm, we were sent home. Unfortunately for me, I ride the bus in as there is NO parking in my building unless you are in an already established carpool :(. The buses don't start running until 3pm so .... I had to wait. By 3pm traffic was terrible and it took me 3 hours to get home.
I don't have anything more exciting to say. I'm grateful that my sisters and I could establish contact (thank God for FB!!) and they were able to check on Mia for me. The biggest eye opener for me was...I know now that eventually, I will need to find a job closer to home. Being stuck in DC when my kids need me, with no transportation, is not acceptable.

See Girl Run....

There are a couple of blogs that I keep up with regularly. One is littlepinkmonster. She is the wife of a local radio DJ and has 2 kids the same ages as mine. I like to read about her kids, her crafts, recipes, and whatever else. Recently, she has started running. Strangely, I had started just the week before (only to stop after day 2). Her blog has inspired me to try...yet again. So, today I will download a good running app and try to put together a motivating song list. Let's see how this goes the 2nd time around. These last 8 lbs of baby fat just don't want to go away...

Santa's watching you....

So, after Paxton's visit to Hopkins, we spent some time at the Inner Harbor to celebrate. We decided to eat lunch outside at Dicks Last Resort. As we were sitting at the table, a man dressed in a red shirt, red baseball cap, and white hair/beard walked by. Mia just sat still watching him. As he passed us, she said, "I love you Santa". This...is coming from a 2 year old (almost 3) who rarely even says I love you to C and I. We busted out laughing. Thankfully, this man was so sweet. He turned around and said, "just remember, Santa could be anywhere and I'm always watching you". Needless to say, she was a perfect angel all weekend! This morning, on the other hand...was a different story.

Pax's appt

We got good news on Friday. Paxton's heart looks great! We went to Hopkins for his 1 year follow up and they did an EKG. That came back normal so they did not need to sedate him for an ECHO (Phew!!!). I can't tell you what a relief that was. Though we suspected everything was fine based on his numerous pediatrician visits, it is still a relief to hear that news coming from a pediatric cardiologist from Hopkins. So....we go back in another year and in the meantime, he is a normal, healthy baby. We are so thankful! We love our Super Pax-man.

Big Day Tomorrow

Tomorrow, August 19th is Paxton's 1 year post surgery follow up with Dr. L at Hopkins. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sick with anxiety and nausea at just the thought of it. I know he's ok. Dr. S listens to his heart at every Dr's visit (which has been often with the number of ear infections he's had), but I still can't help but feel anxious. He has been through so much in such a short period of time. I will be saying a special prayer tonight for my little man.

Fun Foods

These sandwiches have worked well for my picky eater, Mia. I only made one mistake, giving her the fruit at the same time. Lesson learned. Otherwise, she loved it!!! I even let her pick out the shapes.

Pinterest = my new addiction

If you know me, then you know I LOVE new craft ideas. You also know that I am probably the least crafty person ever. Seriously....I can't even wrap gifts well. My husband wraps gifts better than me. I have the best intentions and the worst execution. I won't go into the craft projects that I've started and failed miserably at but the list is long. Most recently, I found pinterest. Pinterest is a site where you can create an inspiration board of ideas. It is filled with wonderful inventive ideas for kids crafts and DIY projects. It's probably my husband's worst nightmare :). So anyway...the first project I wanted to attempt was a memory jar. In the past 3 years, New Years has been kinda hard on me. The "flipping" over of a new year to me, signafies year without Parker. It makes me sad. So...I thought this was the perfect easy starter project. Basically, you get a jar and you fill it with happy memories throughout the year and you read them on New Years. Sounds easy right? That's what I thought too until I tried to decorate the jar. Turns out, among the long list of things I'm not good at--bow tieing is near the top. Go figure. This is what I came up with.

If I ever decide to make this public, I welcome any classes or tutorials on how to make bows :)

Me!

so...a few things about me. I am:

• a shoppaholic who LOVES a good bargin!




• an avid reader




• a reality TV junkie




• a starter of craft projects that turn out disasterous

I love:

• Wine tastings (esp. Pindar on Long Island and Running Hare in MD)




• catching up with good friends




• trips to the spa




• SLEEP




• A fountain coke




• A chocolate covered donut from Bay Country Bakery

I dislike:

• FROGS (and also lizards, reptiles, hampsters, mice, snakes, etc)




• Confined spaces




• Greed




• Whinning