Am I Mom Enough?

No, this isn’t a blog about the Time magazine picture of the 3 year old sucking his mom's boob.  I'm not even going to get into that.  This is a post about my struggles with my son and his eating issues.  Yesterday, Paxton had his first therapy session with the Behavior Therapist.  Thankfully, I decided to let my husband handle that session as I knew it would be difficult for me, but what I didn’t realize, was hearing about it would be difficult too.  He threw tantrums, he cried, and he screamed.  This went on for 1 ½ hours while they were feeding him.  My heart breaks just thinking about it.  The therapist that is working with us said that she worked at the Kennedy Krieger Institute for 2 years.  We will be going there next week for Paxton’s feeding evaluation. She said the program is very intense.  We could either qualify for the inpatient program (hoping we don’t qualify for that) or the outpatient program, which is 3 days a week, 2 hours a day in Baltimore).  There are no words to express my anxiety over this.  I don’t think there is enough Xanax or wine out there to help.  Am I “mom enough” to put my son through a program that will force him to eat solids.  That will make him scream and cry for me while I ignore him and force him to comply with my demands?  Is this really going to “help” him in the end or will it scar him somehow?  As I am typing this, I feel like crying.  My son has been through so much in his short life.  I just want to hold him and hug him and let him know this will all be ok, but will it?  He has such a sweet, easy going, funny personality.  He is a clown.  He’s always so happy.  Will this change him?  Will he never trust us again for putting him through this?  Is there anyone out there who has been through this?  If so, can you please contact me?

Thank you!